Birthday 2019 as a mom!

Many birthdays passed and it never occurred to me! Today as I have become a mother, I feel like saying this.

My mother was a teenager when I was born. She used to top her class and she had to miss her final exams since I arrived before the expected date of delivery. That was just the beginning of the streak of compromises and sacrifices. And I'm very happy that my mother continued her studies for another four years and became a teacher. She could do that because my grand mother, Vijayalakshmi, took care of me and my mom. My grandma did a lot for us, which I can't explain in few words. On October 10th, 2002, suddenly we had to face her day of death! I have deeply missed her ever since. Mothers do a lot for their kids. My mother and grand mother have done a lot for me. Saying thanks is never enough. I must and will do whatever I can for them.

I'm reserving about my father for now! One day I shall express about him, who's the most influential person in my life.

Sharing responsibility - ParenthoodDiaries #13

Husband and wife share the responsibility of be it home-making or child-rearing.

Ladies, next time when you are asked if your husband helps you at home, say this - we share the responsibility.

Helping and sharing responsibility are different not just by their literal sense but also by the way they are executed. Help is the assistance we get when we are solely responsible for a given task. Sharing responsibility is sharing of ownership; the act of being equally responsible.

Home-making and child-rearing are real fun when they are executed together by the couple. Also, they happen smoothly and sensibly when done together. Children are known for imitating and majorly learning from what they observe at home. They learn to be equally responsible as they grow and become a parent; after all, child-rearing is also about making the parents of next generation!

Mothers and their stories - ParenthoodDiaries #12

This post is not about kids but about parents, mothers to be specific.

I have been interacting with quite a few 'mothers' recently. The maid at my home, the cleaning staff in our housing society, women colleagues whom I meet at the company creche and few of my good friends etc are some of the mothers who have shared interesting insights about motherhood, majorly based on their personal experiences.

All I can say is, every mother has a story. Each one has her unique share of ups, downs, difficult decisions, streak of compromises and of course invaluable memories for lifetime. Life becomes unexplainably adventurous at times and mothers have to handle it no matter what. And they do, with love and passion.

These days there are some helpful aids available for mothers, like diapers, formula milk powders, creches, maids at pay etc. I wonder how mothers back in 20th century and before maintained their kids, and a number of them not one or two! I think mothers find the ways out to nurture their kids, sometimes with the help of family members and at times all alone as well!

ME time and its impact - ParenthoodDiaries #11

Not compromising on 'ME' time makes the time we spend with kids more joyful for ourselves as well as for kids.

Time waits for none. It keeps ticking. Kids wait for none. They keep growing. The time we spend with kids at every stage of their and our lives is going to be in all our memories for life. While we try to spend time with kids, we often compromise on the 'ME' time. It's extremely important to notice and prevent this from happening.

Each one of us have certain things to do for ourselves; by doing which we feel relaxed and rejuvenated. We must recognize those few things and make time to execute them, no matter how the rest of the time is going, so that we become joyful. Being joyful from within is one of the prime ways to make our kids joyful when we are with them.

Crying is the weapon - ParenthoodDiaries #10

'Crying' is the weapon children own by birth and eventually learn to use. Its good to let them learn that with crying, they may get what they need and may not get what they want.

People say that crying doesn't suit a man. Not really though. And for women, based on the situation, crying is perceived  to be  either  a weak-link or a strong weapon! Glad that none of this gender based generalization is applied to children yet.

They cry for many things like when they are hungry, sleepy, cranky etc. Whatever is the reason, they seek attention to their need or wish.

While we have to fulfill their needs, we may choose to delay or decline fulfilling some of their wishes. They may cry as we do so but eventually learn that they get what they need, and not always what they want. It's important for every child as well as parents to understand and differentiate needs and wishes.

Mother being a nurse - ParenthoodDiaries #9

If a doctor needs to be a doctor, and not a mother, while operating her children, a mother needs to be a nurse while nursing the babies.

Mother would want to feed the babies more; nurse would feed just enough. Mother would want to bath the babies for longer time; nurse do it in the required time. Mother wants her babies to sleep longer and longer; nurse would let them sleep for a sufficient time. Mother do not want her babies to fall sick; nurse handles the sickness with a smile. Mother would not want her babies to get dirty with dust and sand, nurse would let them have their share of happy play-time.

Mother tends to do more. Nurse does enough.

Mother tends to protect. Nurse treats. 

Mother tends to do the desired. Nurse does the required.

And while nursing the babies, mother better be a loving nurse.

Life is less difficult and more different - ParenthoodDiaries #8

With kids, life is less difficult and more different.

I keep wondering what would I be doing at the given moment if I didn't have my babies. Like in this moment, may be posting something else than my parenthood experiences. On weekends, may be watching a movie than keeping busy with the baby-tasks. In free time, may be clicking for my photography page than clicking the memorable moments of the little ones. At the mid of the night, may be dreaming aloud than feeding the babies. And so on!

I can't agree more that life feels difficult with kids, especially to those, like myself, who have had more years of bachelor life or had a few years of married life without kids. It feels difficult, less because it is, and more because it is different. It's different from that of the otherwise comfortable and well-set lifestyle.

Some experiences in life are worth the difficulty. Having kids is undoubtedly one of them. Realizing the difference and enjoying the same makes it less difficult.

The two tiny polio drops - ParenthoodDiaries #7

My first ever earning was 5 Rupees and that was when I executed the day-long duty at a pulse polio center as an NCC cadet back in 1998. Many women came throughout the day and did polio vaccination for their babies at our center. I never wondered then if the two drops of polio vaccine had been swallowed by the babies or not.

When I saw my babies taking those two drops of vaccine, I kept wondering during and after, if those two tiny drops had been swallowed properly or not!

The best part of my Parenthood journey so far is the sensibility  I have developed  towards every single task I do for the babies.  It does help to take care of the babies in a better way and also to develop the perspectives which otherwise would never occur to me.

Plan may not work but planning helps - ParenthoodDiaries #6

Plans may or may not work; yet planning helps.

With infants around, quite a lot of things go off the plan; and that's not the only time or reason though, for plans not to work. Our plans fail, quite a lot of times, even when we are alone. Reason could be either our inability to understand the situation or that something goes haywire.

With infants too, it's the same reason why our plans often do not work. With the basic things that they need, like food, clothing, sleep and play-time, there is a little chance of things going haywire. I believe, it's mostly our inability to understand their needs or doings that let our plans remain as plans. Infants communicate to the best of their ability, but we are not yet there to understand everything they communicate. That's the prime reason why we plan something and something else happens, often.

Well, we may not understand infants fully. Yet, making plans to the best level of our understating helps us a lot. It motivates us to keep doing better everytime. Also, it's rather simple to handle the situation when we plan, even if the plan fail, than when we don't.

Neighborhood and it's impact - PatenthoodDiaries #5

Since I started to go to hostel back in the year 2000 and until the last time I left home in Oct 2017, there were never as many people to bid farewell as today (9th Jan 2019), as we started to Pune with kids after staying for a memorable four months.

Children introduce our neighbors to us in altogether a different way. We think we raise our children but most of the time they are awake, they are nurtured by our neighbors usually. Neighbors play an important role in every child's development. We must choose the neighborhood carefully.

Infancy and expectations - ParenthoodDiaries #4

Infancy is probably the only time when children expect nothing but love from parents. As they grow the expectations grow, like parents like children.

Parents expect quite a lot of things from children from day one. About their appetite, about their smiles, about their sleep, about their various milestones like turning, crawling, walking and then the peak of expectations begin on the day the child starts schooling.

Like parents, like children. They learn to expect from us, parents. We cannot stop expecting and they never stop learning. And this cycle would continue for generations.

There is no specific solution to this by all practical terms. No one can stay without expecting anything. However, we can control what we expect; and that can happen when we know our children well enough. We can also control how we express our expectations to children; and that can happen when we know ourselves well enough.

Infants know and do things better than us - ParenthoodDiaries #3

Infants know and do quite a lot of things better than us.

They know when to drink milk and they know when to stop drinking milk. Unlike us, they don't drink for joy rather they drink just enough to live life. They know when to start playing and to stop playing as well. They enjoy their play, probably better than the bestest of the professional players. Their sleeping pattern, it's extremely better than that of ours; there is lot of peace in it and joy too. Their communication is exemplary; there is a deep intent to make us happy or smile and they never intend to hurt anyone.

That's a lot of stuff to learn from them, not just to live our lives happily but also to give wonderful memories to the people around.

Female foeticide: Kill the reasons why people do not want a girl child

Food, knowledge, health - Considering the "basic requirements" for the survival of any human being, there is no reason for #FemaleFoeticide to happen.

The other "imposed requirements" such as - girl's parents to give dowry, women to leave her parents after marriage and stay at in-laws' place, women cannot lit the pyre, girls to be given lots of gold at the time of marriage etc make some of the parents kill the female fetuses.

And some of the "assumed thoughts" such as - girl cannot be an asset to the family and is a liability, girls cannot earn high, girls must not study well because it will be difficult to find a groom, girls need to be safe-guarded more etc make some of the parents take the extreme step, before even the baby girl is fully developed in her mother's womb.

Restricting the gender-tests is is not the solution for this problem and that has been proven in time and again. Its rather wise to kill the reasons why people do not want a girl child.

The basic requirements need to be prioritized irrespective of the gender. The imposed requirements need to be eliminated. And the assumed thoughts need to be corrected, so that #FemaleFoeticide can be prevented.

It takes one generation to welcome the change. One generation of parents, when they become in-laws, can change the "imposed requirements" for their daughter-in-laws. One generation of parents,  can change the "assumed thoughts" about a girl child.

Hope there will be a day when 'India' will not be automatically mentioned, when searched for Female foeticide in Google.

Being in present - ParenthoodDiaries #2

There are days with highs and lows. With infants, it's nothing different either. They smile, cry, shout, play and all at once at times.

They smile at us and don't think why we smiled back or we didn't. They cry, we ease them and they get back to play without thinking about what made them cry. They wake up crying from sleep due to colic pain, we burp them, they burp and get back to sleep without thinking about what just happened.

They be in their present without thinking about past or future and that helps them become efficient learners. Imagine we learn doing this and practice in reality; how blissful life feels and how productive we all become!

Two things to learn as parents - ParenthoodDiaries #1

As parents we must learn two things.

First one is not to get either super excited or too worried about what others have to say about our kids. Every kid is special in his or her own way. We must observe and know our kids well enough so that no one else's judgement can be more correct than that of ours. Comparison often makes its way through other's words. We must never let the comparison reach our kids, through us especially.

Secondly, our neighbors or friends or relatives may go by the gender of ours kids. But as parents, we must not get biased by their gender. Unless for the obvious things, we shouldn't be letting the gender-thing prevail in upbringing. Equal opportunity is still a long way to go in the contemporary time. It might be achieved when our kids learn from us how not to go by the gender. 

Learning to unlearn ... Take Home #673

Learning to unlearn is as important as learning to learn.

Doing what is necessary... Take Home #672

Doing what is necessary, rather than what we want, makes life easy and meaningful not just for ourselves but for everyone around us.

Enjoying the rains!

Stretch your arms 

Enjoy the rains

Welcome the droplets

Cherish the moments

It's been raining since a few days here at Pune. Though rain is neither new here nor new for me, this time's experience for me is really new. From our new home, watching the rain has been my day-time hobby these days. Cool breeze fills the rooms. Drizzle comes down every once in a while, making the rains more and more enjoyable. Learnt that it's been raining in many states in India this time. It feels great that farmers are really happy about it. Looking forward to yet another great, exciting and memorable rainy season. 

The more we accept our children the more society will accept them

The more we accept our children the more society will accept them. It is and must be never the other way round! Every child is unique. Unfortunately, society's acceptance levels are not unique to every child. They can never be. So parents must never see their children from society's eyes. Parents must have their own vision for their children, which must be unique to each of their children, rather than having common expectations. Children may have been brought up by same parents, but each child sees and learns from the circumstances/people in his/her own way. Each child develops his or her own perspective about a given situation, about people around. Parents must understand this and have to accept the children on individual parameters. Setting common acceptance levels for children is not just being unfair to all of them but also being ignorant about their individual strengths. 

In the contemporary Indian households, many of the decisions about children are taken by considering society first and the child's interests next. Be it about their education or be it about their marriage, decisions are taken by parents consciously or unconsciously by considering the societal trend and thought process. When decisions are taken based on the understanding parents have about the given child, the decisions go right in most of the cases. Also, certain decisions must be left to the child; parents just need to guide the child in that scenario. Overruling the children's decisions or making decisions on behalf of children do not help, also they can work against in most of the cases. 

Individuality and independence are critical parameters that define the personality of the grown ups. Letting the children understand and maintain their individuality helps in a big way when they grow up. Giving the necessary independence to children lets them be more responsible about themselves, about the decisions or choices they make. Nurturing these two aspects in children is a lot important. By doing this, parents also learn to develop good acceptance levels for their children, instead of getting influenced by the society's common acceptance 'rules' that are never written. The more this acceptance level is, the more society will also accept. At least, parents perceive the acceptance of society in a better way, which makes both parents' as well as their children's lives peaceful, blissful and meaningful. 

Reader's View: INDIRA - The life of Indira Nehru Gandhi

Author: Katherine Frank

Its fascinating to know how Indira Priyadarshini became Indira Nehru, then Indira Gandhi and then the Prime Minister of the biggest democratic country, India. This book presents a gripping story of her patriotism, ruthlessness and political savvy with guts. Indeed, this is one of the best written biographies I've read so far. 

As I turned the pages, I got to know a lot about the parenting of Jawaharlal Nehru and his influence on Indira. The most exciting of all is to read the letters regularly exchanged between Indira and Nehru. Always wondered how could she make it as a Prime Minister in the times when women were seen more as home makers. Breaking all the rules, she not just became the Prime Minister but also maintained to be there for a number of years. Her ruthlessness, as responsible leader to stay her party stand, has been explained in the book with the details of a few incidents. 

Another misconception of mine got cleared as I read through the chapters explaining the story of Firoze Gandhi and Indira's marriage. I've understood that Indira'a marital name Gandhi is nothing to do with Mahatma Gandhi or his family! 

Its always inspiring to know about the 'women in power'; how they build the aura, maintain it right through and bounce back when needed. One must not step back from responsibilities when in power, especially when someone is in such a responsible position as Prime Minister of a country. Decision making is key for any leader. How and why Indira took the decisions that she took, be it about the emergency, be it about the fight with the terrorists, have been explained in detail in the book. While reading, it didn't feel as if the author was trying to back her decisions. Rather, it felt as if the author just placed the facts, that she knew based on her research. 

All in all, this book is a great read. A five hundred pager but the way its written is so gripping that I managed to finish in a mere four days. Going back in time and knowing about the sequence of incidents that lead to the assassination of the first and the only female Prime Minister of India, Indira Gandhi. Must read for everyone, who is and isn't interested about politics. 

Farewell message and the effect of it being unsaid for long

Farewells are always hurtful, no matter how strong is your wish to leave the place or people. Even though we know it prior hand, when the moment arrives, it tests one's emotional balance. Memories of the place and the people attack us from all directions and try to destabilize us. Its not difficult to stand strong against that attack. However, its challenging how one perceives the whole thing and reciprocate. 

Farewell messages are usually on positive note. Everyone recollects the good moments they had with the person leaving and share with the group. I have been part of number of farewells. Each time people speak about the strengths of the person leaving, including my own speech, I feel all that could have been said at least once when the person did not decide to leave  the organization. When we keep things unsaid for long and at once when we say them during the farewell time, we as well as the person leaving realize the effect of all that unsaid. It gives great feeling to heart, both for the speakers as well as the person about whom its all said. Even though the effect is not generally to a decision-changing level, it certainly to the level that for a moment it sends across strong nostalgic waves. When the message is delivered on the day of farewell, the decision may not be impacted. But when the same message is said to the person when he is around, there may be are chances that the decision is slightly impacted, provided the message is genuine enough and said with a genuine tone. 

We cannot forever stop people from leaving organizations. However, as along as people are around, being appreciative and expressive in good terms definitely helps, both personally as well as professionally. Personally that we all feel good about ourselves and make people feel good about themselves. Professionally that there is increased outcome and contribution from the individuals as well as teams. 

Once in a while, we must try to reach out to people and share our frank feedback to them. Both positive and negative, in a way that reaches them. It really helps. Keeping anything in mind and not saying it only derails the spirit around. 

The Lenyandri Caves - PramsPhotography #151

#2017 @Lenyandri caves, Maharashtra, India

Lenyandri caves are located in the western ghats of Maharashtra, near Malshej ghat. The caves are not as big as the famous Ajanta-Ellora caves, but they are tactically made. There are a few steps to climb before reaching the caves. There is a temple inside hence we see many elderly people as well climbing up the steps. Few of the caves are not accessible, mainly due to the damage caused by rains! Views from the caves are beautiful. There are fields in the surroundings, and with all village views. 

The beauty of Malshej Ghat - PramsPhotography #150

#2017 @Malshej Ghat, Maharashtra, India

Malshej Ghat is one of the most beautiful and the must-go weekend getaways near Pune, Maharashtra. Visiting this place in monsoon is the ideal thing to do. The ghat covered by the clouds and surrounded by greenery filled mountains gives awesome feeling to heart. Drenching in the drizzle while enjoying the water falls is one of the previous experiences one can have! The above pictures are clicked when we visited Malshej Ghat in last year's monsoon. Superb experience it was! 

Can we ever fully prepare ourselves for what to come!

A lot of things in life are inevitable, including the life and death. We know certain things happen, anyway. We know farewells happen. We know break-ups happen. We know fights happen. We know unfair happen. We know crime happen. We know good and bad exist. In spite of  knowing all these, we often are taken aback when the situations occur. That's because knowing and realization are two different things. When we know, we know. When we realize, we half-experience. 

Can we ever fully prepare ourselves for what to come?

We all like to prepare ourselves in a better way for anything to come. We all try as well. We prepare ourselves to an extent too. But we often fail at the face of the incident even though we prepare ourselves. That has become as of its the way of life. Not because of lack of strength or planning. But because of lack of experience at hand. First hand experience is the hard to deal with. Its always difficult rather impossible to be ready for anything to come in life. Reality gets hard at us even though we know it would occur to us some or the other time! 

We cannot fully prepare ourselves for what to come, not at least in a way that we stay untouched by what happened. Nonetheless, we can prepare ourselves in a way that we stay balanced emotionally, at the face of the incident. We can truly prepare ourselves to stand strong against all the odds, even though we may not be fully ready with solutions on the face of it. We can prepare ourselves to have a stronger determination to face anything to come. Doing this is half of the job. Rest of the job to be definitely done at the face of the incident, no matter what. 

Reader's view: For the love of India

Author: R.M.Lala

Working for the Tata group has been one of the best chances I've got in my career. I've been longing to know about the envisioning of the group, what founders went through and how all this has been created. A friend gifted me this book "For the love of India", the life and and times of Jamsetji Tata, the founder of the group. This book explains the major envisioning Jamsetji did, majorly about the establishment of Tata Steel, Tajmahal palace hotel, Tata hydro electric power plant and the Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore. I've learnt that out of all these, only the Tajmahal palace hotel was completed when Jamsetji was alive. He had left such a strong legacy that the rest of the projects were completed successfully by his successors. In the book, the author explains what all Jamsetji had to go through to deal with the then East India company and the British generals of those times. Whatever Jamsetji did was for the land that gave him birth, India. Knowing about his strong will to serve the people of India is the most inspiring part of all. A industrialist he was and not a businessmen. The generations that followed him in the Tata Sons has been great industrialists too. Such was the legacy a man's strong will could leave! 

Great vision makes great people. 

Great conviction makes great history. 

Jamsetji was the man with great vision for the people of India. Also, the level of conviction he had was unmatachable. A true legend. A great founder of one of the greatest groups in the world. I'm sure, after reading this book my conviction towards the group has been up by a step. If you admire the Tata Group, do not miss to read this book.